It should’ve been me
It should’ve been me
dancing in the club
feeling out of place
observing and imitating
having fun nonetheless
getting drunk to become like them
wanting to go home but still dancing my heart out
because of my friends
that I love, so much
It should’ve been me looking over
glancing at the cute boys
trying to catch the eyes
of one of them looking at me
then looking down and blushing
putting on a dumb performance
and deep down pray that it works
It should’ve been me in Orlando
hearing panic over the loud music
gathering my friends like a shepherd
holding hands and hiding
wanting to be a hero but not wanting to die
calling my mom to tell her I love her
running through a million escape ideas
but ultimately doing nothing
It should’ve been me waiting
for the coin to flip
heads you die tails you live
but you don’t want to live
nor do you want to die
you want everything to be over
not just the shooting
but everything after
you want the aftermath to be over
before you even know if you’ll get to see it
It should’ve been me avoiding bullets
yet wanting to be shot so bad
to run up to him, grab his gun, and shoot yourself
and hopefully your brains splatter on his eyes
and everyone runs away
except they don’t want to
stuck between the death drive and the survival instinct
frozen by their marriage
forever frozen inside
no matter the outcome
It should’ve been me in there
It should’ve been me
