It should’ve been me

It should’ve been me


It should’ve been me

dancing in the club

feeling out of place

observing and imitating

having fun nonetheless

getting drunk to become like them

wanting to go home but still dancing my heart out

because of my friends

that I love, so much


It should’ve been me looking over

glancing at the cute boys

trying to catch the eyes

of one of them looking at me

then looking down and blushing

putting on a dumb performance

and deep down pray that it works


It should’ve been me in Orlando

hearing panic over the loud music

gathering my friends like a shepherd

holding hands and hiding

wanting to be a hero but not wanting to die

calling my mom to tell her I love her

running through a million escape ideas

but ultimately doing nothing


It should’ve been me waiting

for the coin to flip

heads you die tails you live

but you don’t want to live

nor do you want to die

you want everything to be over

not just the shooting

but everything after

you want the aftermath to be over

before you even know if you’ll get to see it


It should’ve been me avoiding bullets

yet wanting to be shot so bad

to run up to him, grab his gun, and shoot yourself

and hopefully your brains splatter on his eyes

and everyone runs away

except they don’t want to

stuck between the death drive and the survival instinct

frozen by their marriage

forever frozen inside

no matter the outcome

It should’ve been me in there

It should’ve been me

I Fell in Love with Steven Prior

(This poem is sexually explicit. Steven Prior is a gay porn star. So, naturally, 18+ and NSFW. This is based on an actual dream I had last night.)


I Fell in Love with Steven Prior


His gigantic member

meat for days

a buffet for carnivores

endless erection

an Eiffel tower

Stendhal Syndrome at its sight


It was in a dream

dry as a desert

that his pornographic penis moved my heart

and I confusedly

gave it to him


He took me away

to his super sex world

a landscape of covered in cum


and somehow


I loved him

I loved his penis

I loved him


His penis made love to my heart

him and me

he and I

shared the space of a dream


My heart

the size of his dick

but soft, all too soft

hurt as I woke up


longing for something long.